Geezus H Christ....

take me OFF the speaker phone. I Hate the speaker phone, I hate talking on it, I hate when people put me on it, I just plain Hate it! Pick up the G.D. receiver and talk to me and if you can't do that then send me an email. It irritates me to the point that I will hang up. I hate it that much.......calm down you say? what's your number, let me show you how annoying it can be....

Mornings at my house are just plain horrendous. Not just for me, for everyone involved. First of all Little One has a habit of needing her pacifier (....I am still fashioning my 'strap' idea) at unspeakable intervals throughout the night, usually starting around 3am.......and this could go on every hour on the hour or it could go on every 15 minutes, but rest assured that I don't be doing no restin past 3am...which could have something to do with my "bad attitude" (hi Husband!)
Big One is the epitomy of the Big Bad Wolf in the morning, she is grumpy and whiney and trust me, there is A LOT of huffing and puffing going on....

On mornings when the husband doesn't have to get up to go to work (he works 4 on 4 off so a different 4 days every week) he lays in the bed expecting the rest of us to tip toe around and be quiet.....HA! Not happening son.......I've been up at all hours of the night every night for the past 6 months (the approximate age of Little One) with no help from the likes of you......I'll NOT be quiet and I dare you to say something.....

my morning plays out something like this.....get the mini's up and figure out something Big One will eat, because it never fails that what I've put out isn't what she wanted........feed and diaper Little One......eat your breakfast Big One.......bottles made for Storage (read: daycare) and lunches packed and mini's dressed and diapered and cleaned.....finish your breakfast Big One....and fresh-breathed......and Big One do you have your shoes on? and get myself showered.......hey Big One, PUT your SHOES on......stop everything to entertain Little One for a minute and DAMMIT we have stinky pants......change that diaper AGAIN and hey Big One, if there aren't shoes on your feet by the time I count to three.........and get in here and let me brush that hair, and while I'm at it I should probably think about drying my own hair and YES Big One I know that I'm a nekkid (funny story I'll tell you later).....I haven't found clothes yet......WHERE ARE YOUR SHOES????? and get my teeth brushed and oh shit, the baby wants to lay down, she's getting sleepy and ornery......and DAMMIT carpool will be here in 10 minutes and I'm still a nekkid and hair wet and have to leave here myself in a little bit to drop Little One at Storage for the day and get to work . All without the help of the husband because he is blissfully sleeping in the bed several feet away from the master bath where all this chaos is going on around me.......and Big One I am going to make Little One an only child if you don't put some shoes on your feet....NOW!!!! Geezus H Christ.... (and this is a GOOD morning)

I don't remember signing up for this........I would like to review my documents and perhaps make some amendments.........and I don't even drink coffee. Maybe I should start......does coffee make it better?

And then I get to work........and I forgot my lunch FUCK!