Thursday, October 30, 2008

husband for sale

cheap....bargain basement pricing....hell, I'll even consider a swap

my ad reads:
Husband for sale. He does not cook, he does not clean, he does not do laundry, he helps as little as humanly possible with minis. He does occasionally go to the grocery store......and he's a pro at nap-taking. He does not make beds or clean showers. He does not wash bottles or make bottles. He does NOT get up with babies during the night. All offers considered.......

Here's how my day went yesterday:
I woke up at 4:30am yesterday, got up got ready got minis ready and fed. Made bottles and labeled for Little One's Storage and made lunch and packed book bag for Big One. Waited outside (32degrees and windy this morning) with Big One for her ride, came back in and packed up my shit for work, got Little One in the car, stopped to fill my gas hog with fuel, went through Chick fil A for a Sausage and Cheese Bagel with Hashbrowns and a LARGE Dr. Pepper. Dropped Little One at Storage, went to work, had meetings all day and a photo shoot at lunch, find out Dad has cancer, freak out, stopped at grocery, picked up the minis at Storage, went by my Mom's and got her mail and fed her cats,went to Party City to get an eye patch for Carson (pirate day at school tomorrow) with both minis in tow. Finally got home last night at 6:30- just in time to get in the door and get Big One started on homework and fed. Little One starting nightly bedtime meltdown cause Mommy obviously doesn't move fast enough. Get upstairs and give Little One a bath before meltdown gets out of control, get her out of the bath and pj'd up, give her the antibiotic, sit down in the glider (ahhhh, finally sitting down) to give her the bottle and the antibiotic comes back up onto her, into her hair, the glider, the pillow, me, my hair, my jeans, my shirt (did it multiply in 2 minutes????)......get BACK up, throw her back in the tub, re-pj'd and now we are in full blown meltdown wanting to go to bed so I finally get Little One fed and bedded down, come downstairs and start laundry, washing bottles, making bottles for the next day, do the dishes in the sink, get Big One's homework checked, get her upstairs in bath, come back downstairs and there is my husband......who did not get up at 4:30, who did not work at ALL yesterday, who actually did NOTHING other than recline and watch tv with an occasional nap yesterday....and wants to know what's for dinner....Oh Yes He Did

can you see the circles I am running in? can you see these children of yours (they are always his when they make me crazy) pulling me in two directions? can you see the laundry that needs doing? how about the dishes in the sink? can you see those? can you see the bed that didn't get made this morning because YOU were still in it (this drives me INSANE.....I cannot, cannot, just CANNOT get in a bed that isn't made) when I left for work? can you see ME in a flurry of activity and aggravation all around you? can you see that I got bad news today and can't even sit down long enough to absorb it? can you SEE that I could use a little help?

Cheap......I will sell him very very very cheap


Tenakim said...

Preaching to the choir- If you have any interest- I'll throw mine in 2 for the price of one!

Amy Amy Bo Bamey said...

Hmmmm...Mine is up for sale right now too but I may have to take down the sign and keep him because he sounds pretty good right now after reading your for sale sign :)

Men are so flipping clueless, sorry you have a lot on your plate. You better stick your foot up his azz to get his attention. You will have a meltdown doing all that yourself day in and day out.

Jennifer said...

I'm so very sorry sweety. About everything. Isn't a shame when we love them enough to put up with their shit.

Piece o' Coconut Cake said...

Hmmmm, I already have me one of those...I don't need another!

Lipstick said...

First...I am so sorry to hear that you got scary news about your Daddy.

Second...good luck on selling that hubby. I think you should print out this post and make him read it (ie stand in front of the tv and read it to him).

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