Tuesday, March 24, 2009


I just received this very important email a few minutes ago..........I think it may be my money from Amy Amy Bo Bamey's brother in Nigeria!!!! so excited!!!

Dear Customer!
We have been waiting for you to contact us (well wait no longer!!) for your Confirmed Package
that is registered with us for shipping to your residential location. We had thought that your sender gave you our contact details. It may interest you to know that a letter is also added to
your package (a letter? well why didn't you say so......hell yes I'm interested!). However, we cannot quote its content to you via email for privacy reasons.

We understand that the content of your package itself is a Bank Draft
worth of $800,000.00 USD (and boy could I use that about right now!!) FedEx do not ship money in CASH or in CHEQUES but Bank Drafts are shippable (who knew?) . The package is registered with us for mailing by your colleague, and your colleague explained that he
is from the United States but he is here in Nigeria for a three (3)months Surveying Project as he works with a consultant firm in Nigeria West Africa (well of course he is, that doesn't sound phony at all....Amy, what's my colleageue/your Nigerian brother's name again?) We are sending you this email because your package is been registered on a Special Order (well, DUH, yeah...how else to send a Bank Draft(?) for $800,000!!).

What you have to do now, is to contact our Delivery Department for Immediate dispatch of your package to your residential address. Note that as soon as our Delivery Team confirm your information, it will take only one working day (24 hours) for your package to arrive it's
designated destination. For your information, the VAT & Shipping charges as well as Insurance fees have been paid for by your colleague (he is SUCH a doll!! sending me money AND paying the shipping and handling fees...Amy that brother of yours is some kind of special!) before your package was registered. Note that the payment that is made on the Insurance, Premium & Clearance Certificates, are to certify that the Bank Draft is not a Drug Affiliated Fund (DAF)
neither is it funds to sponsor Terrorism in your country. This will help you avoid any form of query from the Monetary Authority of your country (you mean the Federal Government? (Oh, well I'm sure they'll want their fair share, I mean really, they'll probably take half for taxes right up front! but hey, that still leaves me with $400k)

However, you will have to pay the sum of $210USD (can't we just reduce my Bank Draft by $210?) to the FedEx Delivery Department being full payment for the Security Keeping Fee of the FedEx company as stated in our privacy terms & condition page. Also be informed that your colleague wished to pay for the Security Keeping fee, but we do not accept such payment considering the facts that all items & package that are registered with us have a time limitation and we cannot accept payment not knowing when you will be contacting us for your package or even responding to us (Oh I totally understand, I'm so unpredictable that way, I wouldn't expect him to pay for EVERYTHING...sheesh). So we cannot take the risk to have accepted such payment incase of any possible demurrage (demur-who?). Kindly note that your colleague did not leave us with any further information (he's a very busy Consultant, he can't be expected to do it all). We hope that you respond to us as soon as possible because if you fail to respond until the expiry date of your package, we may refer the package to the British Commission for Welfare (oh goodness no, not the British Commission for Welfare! I think we all know nobody wants to deal with those guys..) as the package do not have a return address.

Kindly contact the delivery department (FedEx Delivery Post) with the
details given below:
FedEx Online Delivery Post
Contact Person: Daniel J. Blunt
Tel: +234-8074478251
Kindly complete the below form and send it to the email address given
above. This is mandatory to reconfirm your Postal address and telephone


Kindly complete the above form and summit it to the delivery manager
on: fedex-courier-nig-09@hotmail.com

As soon as your details are received, our delivery team will give you
the necessary payment procedure so that you can effect the payment
for the Security Keeping Fee. As soon as they confirm your payment
receipt of $210USD, they will not hesitate to dispatch your package as
well as the attached letter to your residence.

It usually takes 24 hours being an overnight delivery service.
Note that we were not instructed to email you, but due to the high
priority of your package we had to inform you as your sender did not
leave us with his phone number (he knows I could get it from Amy you know.....)
because he stated that he just arrived Nigeria and he hasn't fix his phone yet (again, busy busy...can't do it all folks!!) . We indeed personally sealed your Bank Draft and we found your email contact (and thank goodness you did!) in the receivers column as the recipient of the foremost package.

Ensure to contact the delivery department with the email address given above and ensure to fill the above form as well to enable a successful reconfirmation.
Do not reply this email because this email account is not
monitored. Send your details to fedex-courier-nig-09@hotmail.com
Yours Faithfully,
Mrs. Margaret Blaire.
FedEx Online Team Management.
All rights reserved. © 1995-2009

Obviously you can see the urgent nature of this email, so Amy........help a sister out, I need my $800,000 USD Bank Draft from your very important and ultra-busy Nigerian Consultant brother. You can clearly see how badly he wanted me to have this Bank Draft. Apparently he doesn't like his very own sister as much as he like random Mommy Bloggers on the intranetz. I'm rich bitches!! Everyone goes on vacation for free on me.......just as soon as I get my Bank Draft! Amy?


Jennifer said...

I have been getting a TON of these. HOW do you get rid of them????

Amy Amy Bo Bamey said...

So did my Brother from another Mother Hook you up yet?

You better hurry up and send him you details so he can get that money too you. I am surprised he failed to let you know it will be cashed out in unrolled pennies. Time to stock up on those coin rollers.

This totally made me giggle :) Thanks

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